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❝Lisah❞




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this is a little too much
Monday, September 28, 2009, 6:25 AM
tell me somebody.
what did i do,
what did he do,
what did we do,
to deserve such tough rides.
.
once upon a time,
when everything was fine and dandy.
and the next day when i woke up,
i was smacked hard in the face by reality.
.
it took me off guard.
.
no matter how muc negativity was growing in me,
i kept holding on tight.
.
i believed somewhere, somehow,
there was still hope.
i believed somehow, somewhere,
i knew there was noone else but he.
.
i made things harder for him.
things we knew he didn't deserve.
things like my restrictions, my curfews, my parents.
but being the most understanding person he was,
he listened and respected them.
.
and i,
.
i didn't realise how much he has done.
i didn't appreciate these things he did.
i made things more harder for him.
.
and now,
.
i deserved the treatment he is giving me.
i deserve to be ignored.
to be unappreciated.
because of my 'taking things for granted'
.
i want to change it all.
.
but now,
.
it's a little too much for him to handle.
it's a bit too late for me to take it all back.
.
i cry.
every single day,
every single night,
it was a living hell for me.
i couldn't revive my holidays that i've been awaiting for.
i couldn't do anything at all.
.
all i wanted to do,
.
was to see you smile,
see you laugh,
all i wanted to do,
was to have yours hugs,
have your kisses,
i want it all back.
.
i pray to god,''ya allah, help us be strong again. help us be happy again. he doesn't deserve this sadness, pain, and downfall. ya allah, i know, i know there's something awating for us in the future. please. don't let things end now.''
.
and i look out the window everyday.
figuring out where i could go to think things through.
i stayed over my granny's house.
it didn't work.
came back home, things got werst with family and all.
i can't take all these things happening at once.
.
but you know what?
even the countless times you scolded me for no reason,
the only thing i'm holding on to now,
.
is you
.
tell me. what shall i do?
.
.
~lisah